Suck it up
by Klainechester
Summary: It took a kickass migraine and a bitchy little brother to leave Dean Winchester as an emotional wreck.


**Just a little something I wrote when I was bored. We almost never get to see an emotional side of our favourite Dean. So here is hurt Dean and sad Dean, in one)**

Suck it up

Dean woke up sweaty and shaky. He didn't sleep well for every two hours he woke up nearly screaming from another nightmare. And in the morning, straight away he realized that the day was going to suck. As soon as he opened his eyes he was greeted with a headache. It wasn't bad at first but it was bad enough to make Dean want to take some Tylenol, curl up and go back to sleep. But he knew that he couldn't because they were supposed to meet dad today, he had called him and told him that he was about two towns over. He said that his car broke down and told Dean to pack and drive there.

Dean groaned and got out of bed. When he checked the first aid kit he also realized that they were out of Tylenol so he would just have to suck it up and deal with a headache for the rest of the day. Dean got headaches quite often and without pills, tea and rest, they could last for days. Sam and his dad knew about the headaches and when he had one, John made sure to get him out of the hunt and into bed. They usually kept the room quiet and dark, letting him sleep it off. The headaches got progressively worse over the past few months, though. They were practically bringing him to his knees. His smartass little brother called them migraines and suggested to go visit a doctor so they can give Dean pills that would help. But Dean being, well, Dean said no and just sucked it up.

By the time Dean was done with the shower and breakfast, it was 8am. They had to meet their father at 3pm so they needed to hurry up if they wanted to make it in time. Dean got dressed and went to wake up his little brother who hasn't even stirred. They were both exhausted from the previous hunt and went to sleep at about 2 in the morning so, nothing out of ordinary.

"Sam," Dean called. Sam didn't even move. He laid there with half of his face buried in a pillow and his blanket hanging off the side of the bed. He looked so much younger than his 16-year-old self when he slept and Dean hated waking him up, knowing just how tired the kid was, judging by himself, but he knew he had no choice. "Sammy, c'mon wake up."

"Go 'way Dean," Sam muttered, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"I know you're tired kiddo but we have to meet dad in a few hours and he is going to be pissed if we're late." Dean tried but he knew it was no use. Usually, it was easy to get Sam up but the moment he started arguing Dean knew that for the rest of the day he would have to deal with a pissy little brother. And that was the last thing he needed right now.

"Leave me alone, Dean. I don't care." Sam whined. Dean sighed, he had absolutely no energy to be angry right now. But what Sam said next made his blood boil. Sam realized that Dean wasn't leaving anytime soon he groaned and rolled out of bed, "Oh my god, you always have to do what you're told don't you? Perfect little soldier." He didn't even look at his big brother, went to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Dean scowled and winced, the loudness of the slam made fireworks explode in his brain. Sam spent more than 15 minutes in the bathroom and when he came out he seemed even grumpier. The other reason why Dean wasn't angry with him is because Sam just recovered from a nasty sickness, he would be grumpy too. "Eat your sandwich and let's go," Dean said as he placed a plate in front of him.

"I don't want a sandwich. Couldn't you wake me up and ask me what I want?" Sam glared at Dean but grabbed a sandwich and took a big bite of it.

"I figured I should let you sleep a little bit longer, you looked exhausted yesterday." Dean shrugged at him.

"We wouldn't be this tired if you listened to me yesterday," Sam said angrily.

"Oh shut up Sam. You know dad told us to stop at this motel or we wouldn't be able to meet him today if we stopped earlier." Dean was really getting tired of his little brother's whining. Usually when Sam was in one of these moods Dean would just leave him to be by himself and clear his head but he knew that is wouldn't be possible today. They were going to spend at least five hours in the same car and Sam was probably going to whine the whole way.

"Can't you disobey at least once? Especially when you now it won't do any harm, it wold just do you some good. Do you even have your own opinion about anything?" Sam practically screamed in his brother's face, stood up and stormed off without finishing the rest of his sandwich. Dean was hurt by his words, knowing that Sam probably said it because he still wasn't feeling 100% and he was already angry with him but he knew Sam still meant it. He knew because Sam says the same thing every time when he is angry. Dean stared at the open door that Sam stormed out of and sighed. He packed the sandwich, knowing that Sam was going to be hungry later, took his own duffle and then Sam's and walked to his beloved Impala. Sam stood there, leaning against the passenger's door and tapping his foot impatiently.

As Dean approached, Sam said, "God, Dean. You are so slow. Couldn't you at least open the door for me or give me the keys so I wouldn't have needed to stand here all this time?"

"Stop being such a drama queen Sam. If you at least took your duffle with you then I would've taken less time." Sam rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue in annoyance but Dean ignored him and went over to the trunk to put away their bags.

"Oh come on. Would you at least open it for me now?" Sam groaned.

"Sam quit acting like a 90-year-old grandma. A walking stick and a cat and you'll be good to go."

"I wouldn't be acting like this if my brother wasn't being an idiot," Sam said through gritted teeth and as Dean opened the car he got in and didn't say another word. Dean stood outside to cool himself off and then got in and drove off.

The drive was silent. Dean turned off the music since his head was hurting more with each passing minute and he was sure that listening to rock wasn't going to help. He was having a hard time concentrating on the road but he knew he couldn't stop for a break because first, they were going to be late and Sam was going to start bitching again. But they would have to stop because the Impala needed gas soon.

They ended up having another fight at the gas station and it left Dean in an even shittier mood and with a bigger headache. The gas station didn't sell any medicine and even if they did, it was pretty expensive and they were running low on money. John always told then to only take the pills when the pain got too bad and for Dean, "too bad" is well, never. He always says that he can handle it and most on the time it's complete and utter bullshit.

They did end up being late in the end. Dean was driving a lot slower, trying not to hit any bumps since any kind of movement made his head scream with the new jolt of pain. Thankfully, Sam had drifted off a few miles back and for two or so hours Dean was saved from the mean comments.

They met their dad and he already got a cheap cabin with two rooms. There was one single and one queen size bed since all the other rooms with three singles were taken so boys would have to share.

Obviously, John wasn't happy with them coming almost two hours later than he wanted them too. And then Sam told Dean off. He said that it was his entire fault. By the end of all this Dean was almost in tears. They filled his eyes but he refused to let them fall, especially not in front of his brother. He was thankful for his dad coming in when he did and noticing Sam yelling at Dean. John knew that normally when this happened, Dean was yelling just as much but not he was just standing there with slumped shoulders and a scrunched up face. Sam was too furious to notice anything strange about his brother's behavior so John stepped in.

"That's enough Sam!" He raised his voice. Sam stopped yelling and turned to his father, breathing heavily. "Go wait in the kitchen, Sam." Sam didn't argue, knowing better to do so when his father spoke to him that tone. John shook his head at his youngest and turned his attention to the older boy. He walked closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder, not angry with him anymore because he knew something was not right. "What's wrong son?"

"Nothing." Was Dean's answer. Typical Dean, never wanting to admit that something was wrong. Wanting to seem tough, like his father was.

"Don't lie to me boy. I know something is wrong." It wasn't a question anymore, it was an order. Dean knew that it was better to obey so he did.

"Headache." He said simply and went over to the edge of the bed to sit on it and put his head in his hands. His dad winced in sympathy and went over to sit down next to his boy.

"Do you want some Tylenol?" John saw how bad Dean's headaches can get and he didn't want to see him in pain.

"No, dad. I'm fine, really. And can you not tell Sam off? It's not his fault. He was pretty sick and he is still not feeling the best." John's heart melted. Dean was hurting but still worried about his brother more than himself.

"Alright, son. Just tell me if you need anything ok?" Dean nodded even though he knew that he wouldn't bother his father with something as stupid as a headache. His dad had more important things to worry about. "Get some rest," John said and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

He found Sam, sitting behind the dining table in the kitchen and staring down at his hands. He wasn't going to yell at him because of what Dean told him. If the boy still wasn't feeling all that good he didn't need his father telling him off. He just wanted to talk to him and find out what's wrong and what made him lash out like that.

"Sam." He said simply to make the boy look up at him. Sam's eyebrows were furrowed and his lips in a thin line. "What happened back there?"

"He was being a douchebag, that's what happened," Sam muttered.

"You know he just wants what's best for you," John said. He could understand Sam. Dean drove him crazy sometimes as well with his witty remarks and sarcastic comments but if Dean had this headache for the whole day, he couldn't have done anything bad. Whenever Dean had headaches he went quiet. He never said much and just simply followed orders.

"I knew you would be on his side. Of course dad, he is your perfect soldier isn't he?" John glared down at his son and that shut him up.

"I am on nobody's side. I don't choose sides." He said simply. There was a moment of awkward silence until Sam's stomach growled loudly. Sam realized that hadn't eaten anything since morning and was very hungry. "Are you hungry? I have some food left." Sam just nodded.

While they ate, nobody said a word. It was Sam who first broke the silence. "Isn't Dean coming? I didn't see him eat anything this morning." Even though Sam was angry with his brother he still noticed all these things.

"Your brother is resting Sam."

"Why? What's wrong?" Sam stood up, concerned, ready to go to the room Dean was in.

"Leave him alone Sam. He's got a headache." Sam stood there, blankly staring at his father before slumping back in his chair, planting his elbows on the table and resting his head in his palms.

"Oh shit." He whispered. "No, no, no, no. Oh my god, I'm a jerk." That made John wonder what was so bad that Sam did but he didn't ask. "Did he take anything, dad?"

"No. There is Tylenol in my first aid kit." Sam smiled slightly at his dad, ran his hand through his hair and went to make things right.

When Sam walked in, Dean was sitting on the bed in exactly the same position that his father left him in. Except that his shoulders were shaking slightly. When he heard the door open he visibly tensed up.

Sam's heart dropped at the sight of his big brother. Slowly walking over to the bed, he sat down next to Dean. Dean turned his head away from his little brother but Sam noticed the shiny from the tears cheeks. He hated to know that these tears were spilled partly because of him. He extended both of his hands forward, one hand holding a glass of water and the other two pills. Dean took the items and swallowed the pills washing them down with a few gulps of water and then putting the half empty glass of the bedside table.

"Dean…" Sam spoke up first after a few minutes of just sitting beside each other.

"It's ok Sammy," Dean said already knowing what his brother was going to say next.

"No, it's not Dean. Why didn't you say anything earlier?" Sam wasn't expecting an answer to that. It was a stupid question to ask Dean Winchester. Dean felt so embarrassed in front of his baby brother but he just couldn't hold it together. He felt one tear slip out of his eye, then another and another and he made a move to stand up. When he did, the world tilted dramatically but before Sam could grab him and pull him back down he made a dash for the door. He ran out, knowing that Sam was right behind him. He ran past his confused father and out the front door. Even if he wanted to run far, far away he couldn't. His head was pounding.

John looked at Sam but when he saw his youngest son's glassy eyes he understood what had happened so he just said, "Go Sam. You know he won't go far. He may need time alone but it's not good to leave him when he is like this." And Sam nodded and sprinted in the direction that Dean ran in. He found him sitting on a bench that was near the hotel room but hidden from everyone by the bushes and tall trees. Sam didn't even know how he thought to look there in the first place, but he was glad he did because his big brother was sitting, hunched over, with his head in his hands and he was slightly shaking. A lump formed in Sam's throat but he swallowed it because it wasn't him who was upset and hurting, it wasn't him who needed comforting. It was Dean, but Sam was so not used to seeing his brother like this that he didn't even know what is the best way to comfort him.

He slowly walked over to the visibly shaking figure and sat beside him. He knew for sure that he wasn't going to let Dean run away again so he sat a little closer than last time so their sides were pressing together. Dean jumped a little, he didn't hear when Sam reached him because of his sobs and moved away a little. He knew that he was crying right now mostly not because of how bad he felt for the whole day, but because of how embarrassing this situation actually was. He felt like such a sissy at that particular moment but he couldn't do anything, he couldn't stop crying no matter how hard he tried and he couldn't run away again because the pounding in his head increased.

"Dean…" he heard his little brother say in that small voice that he knew Dean couldn't resist. "I'm sorry for acting like a dick today. I didn't know you didn't feel good but still I shouldn't have acted that way." He said quietly, not wanting to make Dean's headache worse than it already was. "You have been there for me countless of times and I can't remember the last time I saw you like this. I hate seeing you like this but I just want to return the favor. Just so you know, I will always owe you, Dean. You have every right to be mad at me right now but please don't push me away."

"I-I'm not ma-mad Sam-Sammy." He choked out. "I could nev-never stay mad at-at you." Dean hiccupped in between words because his sobbing still did not quiet down. He knew that even if he didn't need those chick-flick moments, all the hugs and cliché words but Sam did, and even if he would never admit it, he liked having Sam close when he didn't feel good, he always liked having Sam around. Sam made it hurt less.

So despite all the embarrassment he was feeling, he turned so he was facing his little brother and pulled Sam into his arms, burying his face into his shoulder. Sam immediately wrapped his arms around Dean, not saying a word because he knew that his brother didn't need to hear all this crap. He rubbed Dean's back soothingly, knowing there was nothing else he could do to make him feel better until he calmed down enough. Dean cried silently, clutching the back of Sam's hoodie, his sobs dying down a little. "Are you tired?" Sam asked after a little while.

"Yeah," Dean whispered.

"Do you wanna go back to bed?"

"Yeah," Dean said again simply. He felt completely drained after a sleepless night and all the crying.

"Ok c'mon," Sam grunted and he helped Dean up to his feet. His legs felt like jelly and he was very shaky and unstable. He groaned as a particular strike went through his sensitive head. "Shh, it's ok," Sam said, mostly to himself as he guided his big brother back to the cabin. It wasn't hard since Sam was almost as tall as Dean and he knew that he was going to be taller than his brother. They walked slowly, Dean leaning most of his weight on Sam. His eyes were closed since the setting sun was too still bright, he trusted that Sam wouldn't let him trip over anything and face plant. Their father saw them approaching and ran over to help Sam get Dean to the bed.

John wasn't used to seeing his boys like this, cheeks shiny from tears and eyes bloodshot and puffy. Especially not his oldest. Since Dean always tried to be a role model for Sam. Dean would rather bury all of his emotions deep within him than let any of them show. He couldn't remember the last time he saw Dean break down in tears, he wasn't even sure if that has ever happened.

"Why did you let it get this bad, son?" He asked in a low voice.

"S'ry." Dean slurred.

"Don't apologize, kid. But you have to let me or Sam know when you have one of those murder headaches, especially when you know how bad they can get." Dean didn't say anything to that. He couldn't promise anything since he knew that he most likely wasn't going to keep it. It just wasn't Dean's thing to say when something is wrong.

They lead Dean to the queen sized bed and for once Sam was actually kind of glad that he would have to share with his brother because he wasn't up to leaving him when he was like this. When Dean was lying down, facing away from his dad and brother, Sam turned to john and smiled sadly at him. John got the hint, patted Dean's shoulder lightly and left the room, leaving the door halfway open so he would hear if his sons needed him.

Sam turned to Dean and crawled into the bed next to him. He put a hand on his brother's shoulder and tugged at it a little hoping Dean would get the hint. Dean did and slowly turned over so he was facing his younger brother.

"How's your head…" Sam asked. "And don't lie."

Dean sighed. "Bad." He croaked out, he felt that if he was going to say anything else, more than words would come out.

"Do you want anything else to take?"

"Can't for a while. Plus, we are running low." Dean answered honestly.

"Dean, you know that if you are hurting you should just take the medicine right? Even if it's running low. That's what these drugs are for." Dean just huffed out a breath in response. God, he was so tired but at the same time, he felt like he wouldn't be able to fall asleep with that kick ass headache. All of his muscles were stiff and it hurt to move and nausea welled up so he had to breathe deeply to not lose his stomach contents.

"We don't have to do anything today and I'm still very tired so scoot over. You know we have to share right?" Sam chuckled when Dean moved over to his side of the bed without saying a word. He climbed over, closer to his big brother than he usually would lay when they had to share. He felt like he needed to hear his brother's breathing and make sure he is alright.

Sam thought that Dean already fell asleep since he looked exhausted earlier but he felt the bed shift and before he even knew it, Dean was looking at him and smiling softly. "Thanks, Sammy." He whispered before closing his eyes.

"Don't mention it. I owe you that much for being a bitch today."

"Not your fault. You're sick." Dean mumbled, half asleep already.

"No, I was sick." Sam corrected. Dean smiled.

"Whatever, bitch."

"Jerk."


End file.
